6 Tips To Get Out Of Your Thanksgiving Funk, French Style

 Photo: Analise Benevides

Photo: Analise Benevides

 

Right about now, we’d bet good money you’re thinking: “Why the hell did I volunteer to host Thanksgiving dinner this year?!”

The turkey’s still frozen, the cranberry sauce straight from the can cuz’ no one cares anyway. Your mom / sister / grumpy old aunt just called you for the thirty-fourth time to check that there will be a gluten free pie for uncle Bernie and his uncontrollable flatulence.

You of course forgot the gluten free pie.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. You have a massive headache and frankly, you’re this close (THIS close) to sticking your own head in the oven.

First, stop. Stop everything. Pour yourself a glass of wine. It won’t solve any of the problems but let’s be honest, mama needs it.

You can’t help but wonder: what would a cool, calm and collected French woman do?

1. In doubt, put butter everywhere. And we do mean, everywhere.

On the turkey, in the turkey, in the mashed potatoes (and also add cream), on the beans, on the pies, on the piece of bread you should be putting into your mouth right about now. It will make absolutely EVERYTHING taste like you know what you’re doing in the kitchen.

 Photo: Jon Tyson

Photo: Jon Tyson

2. Worry about the food. But worry about the wine more.

First bubbles, then white, then red, then bubbles again. Wine pairing in advance allows you control over the flow and experience of your dinner. And most importantly you avoid mixing up wines and finishing Thanksgiving with your head down the toilet. Cheers!

 Photo: Henry Fournier

Photo: Henry Fournier

3. If all fails, go for a seafood platter.

Oysters, crab, steamed mussels and clams, shrimp, all on a bed of ice served simply with fresh lemon and homemade mayonnaise. It will be the best excuse you’ll have to eat with your fingers.

Mr. Bean seafood platter

4. Prefer cheese to sweets

No baking needed, everyone knows cheese is the new dessert. Run to the nearest grocery store and buy at least 1 soft cheese, 1 hard cheese, 1 blue cheese and 1 goat cheese, grapes and bread. And don’t forget the gluten free crackers for uncle Bernie.

Cheese platter

5. Make a table plan

It may sound like a nightmare but trust us, it’s a necessary evil. Reserve your place of your choice in the fun corner (uncle Bernie will be in the other one), that is in the midst of YOUR people. The ones who drink, have unbridled conversations about sex and refill your glass before they refill their own.

 Photo: Juliette F

Photo: Juliette F

6. Prepare for plan N

Something can always go terribly wrong with cooking on such a big occasion so just in case, stock up on jars of Nutella. Serve with toasted baguettes and many, many bottles of Champagne.

And a happy Thanksgiving from ours to yours.

 Photo: Chris Liverani

Photo: Chris Liverani